i think this might be my last official valentine's day with someone. i'm tired of relationships. i'm tired of hurting people ... and i'm tired of getting hurt. i mean since she doesn't trust ne then why even continue to be in a relationship. yeah i messed up but what gave her the right to go thur my emails? i thought we changed our passwords for a reason. so what it was open on the screen if you "trust" me so much then why not just close it? nah because she was looking for something. i was born at night ... not LAST night. but that's not the point. i fucked up.

i was mad and i fucked up. so if this ... this relationship comes to an end then it cannot be anyone's fault but my own. hey ... i can live with that responsibility. so now this is where we are ... well this is where I am ... contemplating if i wanna fight ... or just let it die. i mean what is there to fight for? what is a relationship with out trust? cause she damn sure don't trust me and i damn sure don't trust her. there's this song on monica's new cd where she says what hurts the most is letting go ... hell sometimes holding on and loving hurts worse. but that's just my opinion. sorry about typing in all lower case, right now i just could give a fuck less.

so i guess we aren't talking to each other. it's so uncomfortable here now. i don't have anywhere else to go though. can't just run to a friends house ... she's all the way in Va. so i guess it stays like it is now until either this dies down or one of us moves out. *sigh* shit man ... shit shit shit. i guess what don't kill you makes you stronger ... shit if i had a fucking dollar for everytime i said that i'd be a rich bitch. *groans* i'm done ... i'll holla