Before I met LeY there were a lot of things I said I was going to do. Now I find myself not wanting to execute those things anymore. For example I've always said that I would only do a 4 to 5 year bid (for lack of a better word) in North Carolina and the I would move to Maryland to finish school. I was dead set on going to the University of Maryland Eastern Shore. Now ... I don't want to be anywhere but Atlanta. I miss the big city living. I miss the hustle and bustle of urban neighborhoods. I don't know that was just something that had been on my mind lately and I just wanted to have some sort of record of it to look back upon.
I spoke to Red today. It's always interesting when I talk to her. She was the 1st girl that I fell for. I'm reading this book, A Woman Like That and it's about lesbian and bisexual writers telling there coming out stories. I don't think I have one specific "coming out" story to tell. I am actually still going thru the process OF coming out. Most of my family still doesn't know that Ashley isn't just my roommate. It's not the fact that i'm scared ... nor the fact that i'm ashamed of my love for LeY either. To tell you the truth I really don't know WHAT it is. My grandmother knows ... to an extent. She found out while I was still dating Tara. I know my mother knows although I have not come right out and said "mother i'm a lesbian and LeY is my wife and I love her and I cannot change who I am for you or anyone else." My sister knows and so does my god mother. Both are very supportive. Getting back to Red ... I was talking to her and I remembered the times we were together. And one particular night ... while she was at my apartment ... and my sister got online ... and I told her ... about my feelings for Red ... and then she in turn told me ... about her feelings for HER girlfriend ... and that breath I took in knowing that I had shared my "secret" with someone I loved. She played a major part in that. She was the 1st woman I had let into my heart ... into my space ... I guess the ones in between the 1st and the last hold some sort of weight. After all they do lend a hand into molding the person you are ...
CiaO PeePs
"What is a Lesbian? A Lesbian is a woman who loves women, who counts on women for her emotional support, who looks to women for her growth, who finds her identity in her womanhood. A Lesbian is a woman who, more and more willingly, and with more and more pride, knows and shows her own strength, makes her own definitions for herself, and dares to defy society's most sacred taboo - 'Thou shalt not live without men and like it.'"
--- Ginny Berson and Robin Brooks
