I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

~ Maya Angelou

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wOw � I don�t want to start off all my entries �sorry I haven�t written in so long�. That pretty much sucks. A lot has happened since Thursday. It started with that night. I hadn�t herd from Tara almost that whole week. So finally I was just like fuck it you know? She doesn�t want to call then to hell with everything. Like I said in the entry before this � I feel like its bullshit anyway. So late Thursday night into Friday early morning I get a call from her and I�m goin off, like we need to talk about this shit and all this and all that. She�s basically not trying to hear what the fuck I have to say. So she�s like she�s not about to sit there and listen to me argue with her and she will talk to me tomorrow. I simply made the frank statement �If we don�t talk about this tonight� don�t worry about calling me ever again. Forget you know me.� She was like it�s like that and I�m like that�s the way YOU made it. So we go on for a few more minutes. I�m cussing and angry and she�s still calm rational Tara. So finally I got tired of it and hung up. I guess the Libra in me makes me dramatic as hell cause as soon as I hung up that phone I went to crying. And I�m not talking about a tear here and there. I�m talking about the crying ladies that hurt your soul. The one that makes you grab your stomach because you feel sick to it. The type of crying where there is no sound, only pain and lack of oxygen to the brain. I had to go outside and sit on the front steps *a luxury of living in the country* so I wouldn�t awaken Iyana. I hadn�t cried like that since � Terrance. So you know it had to be pretty major. I felt like someone had taken my entire inner organs and ran over them. Everything just hurt. That was the only thing I felt. HURT. Yeah it was cold but the pain and anger I had inside right then and there for that girl kept me warm. For a split second in time I actually hated her. I got my pictures developed from Valentine�s Day when I went to see her. I just looked at them and cried more. Peeps believe me when I tell you it�s been a long time since I have cried like that. It reminded me of the time my father called me when I was 15 and told me he was goin to come and take me for the weekend to see the rest of my family that hadn�t seen me in ages. I was geeked you know! It was the day of my birthday �. It had fallen on a Friday and my mother told him it was okay to pick me up from school. I got out of school at 3:15 pm. I didn't see my father again till that summer. I waited outside that school for almost 3 hours. On the train ride home I just cried and cried. Terrance tried his best to console me but it was no use. My heart was broken. Till this day � when I think about it I still get upset. My feelings are still hurt. And every time something happens that involve my feelings I get protective and I lash out at everyone. But anyway I guess this is the end. Hell she called me the next night and was like so this is it. And all I can say was this is how you made it. Yall I don�t know WHAT to do. I hate what we have/had but I hate being with out her. I really love Tara. She just disappoints me so much. So I haven�t herd from her since then so I guess this was it. Now I know where we go from here. She goes that way � and I the other.

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Saturday evening into early Sunday morning Meka had a party at the Days Inn � at 1st no lie I wasn�t goin to go. I had JUST gotten back from Kings Dominion. I was tired and worn out from the trip I was just goin to crawl on the couch with Iyana and just chill. Oh let me fill you in. Meka is Chucky�s sister. Chucky is a friend of mines thru Devion. And Devion is a friend of mines thru Dominique. Well anyway she�s a cutie � I�ve known her for a minute now. She�s cool. She and Tara have the same birthday. But they�re so opposite. Anyway Meka is fine as hell! So it wasn�t really considered a party. It was about 9 or 10 people in a room with a whole bunch of weed and liquor. I don�t feel comfortable around a bunch of people I don�t know. So I�m in Chucky�s room and Meka comes in. So I�m like whaa you think you grown cause your 21? And she�s like I don�t know what you�re talking about. And she flashes her beautiful smile. So Chucky goes � �Tasha you should get her ass while she�s drunk!� and were both laughing and she jumps on the bed and says �take me if you think you can handle me.� So I was like Meka you don�t want to say that to me right now. NOT with the way I�m feeling. She was like �what's the matter and I�m like nothing ma. So I was telling Chucky about Iyana and how she�s starting to call me Mama Nana � and Meka goes �can I be her step-father?� She is too damn much. But Meka got some shit with her just like everybody else. But it feels good to know more people. Yeah � so I guess I can tell you more on that when there�s more to tell.

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Yvette is mad at me! And guess what � she had the right mind to hang up on me! She said I let one person in my life do me wrong and I put everyone on the outs. So she was like she�s tired of cleaning up the mess. I don�t blame her. Every time someone fucks up she�s the next person I call. Either her or my sisters. It�s usually her though. She stays up late and lets me cry and then tells me what I should do. And I go back and do the exact opposite and she lets me. Because she knows I�m goin to be Tasha regardless and do whatever the hell I want. I love and appreciate Cha Chi�s friendship but she doesn�t deserve what I give her. I mean she is THE ONLY person I know that I can call at a moments notice and be like �come and see me� I know within a matter of days � not even weeks Yvette will be in North Carolina. I sometimes take advantage of that. She knows that � I know that. *sigh* Would it be selfish to say that Yvette is everything I wanted Tara to be? Yeah � I can�t compare those two. They�re like peas and carrots. Tara is goin to be her regardless of me and what I want her to be. Just like Yvette is goin to be her with or without me. So I guess I should learn how to be ME without the two of them. Because the last time I checked 1+1 does equal 2. I can�t change the past but I can do something about the present. I�m goin to call her tomorrow *Yvette* and apologize for my actions. That is if she doesn�t read this by the time I have posted it good.

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Well I think that�s pretty much all I wanted to say. Gemi is online and im about to silence her to death. I don�t really have too much to say. All my friends are like I seriously need to get the hell up out of NC � at least for a weekend or so. So Mother�s Day I�m going HOME!!!!! I need to be in a familiar surrounding for a while. But anyway more on that as it approaches. Ciao peeps �

My drama part 1000000 THAT�S A WRAP!!

**QUOTE FOR THE WEEK**

"You don�t love a girl because she is beautiful � she is beautiful because you love her"