So last night I was an emotional mess. Hence the I HATE DIARYLAND entry I left. I poured my emotions and everything I was feeling into an entry and it's lost in diaryland's "YOu'll Never Get This Shit Back" folder. I dunno. I was goin to try to recreate it last night but it was useless. I was too upset and thinking about it only made me feel worse. I got a phone call from Taylor yesterday night around 11:30pm. Needless to say it wasnt the nicest of conversations I've had with her. Another one to add to the pile of fucked up arguments to say the least. So I guess she thinks it's funny to call and start asking bullshit questions like "So you gotta new girlfriend?" and "Been to the club lately?" Asshole! So i'm trying my best to keep calm but I can feel the anger building inside of me. Then it comes... "why you so quiet?" with a smart ass laugh behind it. GRRRR <*insert smiley face holding a "loaded cocked back ready to shoot this BITCH" gun*> so I tell her like it is. I say whats on my mind.

"I wanna hate you. But being the person that I am... I wont allow myself to hate another human being!"

Her *laughing* "why you hate me?"

Me annoyed as hell and now crying... "You think its funny to just call when you want to and fuck up my life, don't you! In some sick fucking way you get off on seeing me like this?"

Her *still with a comical undertone* "why you have to curse at me? I'm being calm and collected Tara and your cursing at me."

Me *slowly starting to actually hate her, crying, and sarcastic* "Well everyone cant be like you Tara. God knows the world would be a fucked up place."

Me *starting to hyperventilate and getting red and hot* "You know what this is bullshit. Your bullshit and this whole relationship was bullshit. You should have told me from the beginning that all you wanted was a nutt ... a slideoff. That would have been cool. You see then I wouldnt have gave a shit about your ass and this wouldnt be happening."

Her *quiet while im flipping on her* "You said you wanted you space so I gave it to you."

**what kind of sick fucker is she?!** insert more useless conversation and utterly stupid remarks on her part ... "i cant believe this shit" and "ur fucking kidding me" on my part.

Then here's the no brainer ... here is the lame ass EXCUSE she gives me...

Her "There are some things about me you just will never understand."

Me *laughing like Mommy Dearest ... u know that psychotic ass i'm about to kill you laugh? If i had of been in her presence I most likely would have done so* "Well you can't say a Bitch aint try."



In between all of this we hung up, I cried harder and she called back and I gave her the whatever bitch i'd tell you to suck my dick if I had one tone and then it was over. I sat and let myself cry and heal from the salt she had just thrown in my wounds I thought were healing quite nicely and held myself. On the floor ... in the dark ... drowning in my tears *u know I cant swim* popping pills I KNOW i'm not supposed to take together but not giving a fuck and watching Iyana sleep ... hoping and praying that whomever she choses to date (be it male or female) doesn't put her thru the shit i've been thru. I guess that's all I have to say. I hope someone gets a lesson out of this or something. If not ... oh well. My so called best friend is being a complete asshole on yahoo and it's pissing me off which is not a good thing to do at this time. I can get down right irrate when I want to. She wanted to be there her ass would have answered my 911 messages to her cell phone. And that excuse me if I was tired shit is BULLSHIT. Could've called 1st thing this morning. Your born u live a shitty life while meeting shitty and not-so shitty people and then you die. Some fucking circle of life.



My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands
Standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
I gave my best to you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry


One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to my last cry


Cry.....


I was here
You were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
Gotta get over you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry


One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I goota put you out of my mind
For the very last time
Been living a lie
I guess I'm down, I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down...
I guess I'm down...
To my last cry...

**

... thanks for everything LeY ... means a lot to me even though i'm the badass that I am *wink* besos...