I always seem to have a pencil ready or be near a computer as thoughts start to flow. It doesn�t however seem like I am actually writing. Its like motions are being made against my will that write about love � hate� sadness � yeah sadness. Dark shadows. In deep corners. As John and Miles and oh how can we forget Dizzy entice our ears with horns that cry out of the speakers. As Ella and Sarah sing the blues. And I sit. And contemplate. Eyes wide shut with the image of you imbedded on the inside of my lids. It�s been too long. I reach out and for a second I touch you. Feel you again. Holding me � molding my body to fit yours. Like a perfect puzzle piece. One night of love will make this right. Please � allow me to love you again. Hold you with my left arm and stroke your face with my right. Let me kiss you � there, there and yes even there. Let me taste you. Please � let me love you again. Please. Close your eyes. And let me love you again. If you can be absolutely quiet you can hear heaven. Can you hear it? Through the moans of ecstasy � while I imagine you lips caressing mines (and I�m not talking about the ones that spoke �I love you� on that warm August night). For better or worse right? Just please � let me.

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I felt so guilty being with her yesterday. But it was just what I needed � I think.

�Your too beautiful to be so unhappy. What�s happening to you?�

�I�m not unhappy. Just right now things are difficult. She�s finding her independence u know? We were fortunate to get that college experience. You went to Miami to play ball and I went to Virginia to � I don�t know what I went to Va. for but you get what I�m saying. We�re just busy trying to get her into school right now. She has enough pressure on her � I don�t wanna add to that.�

�So you suffer � and feel alone? Tell me how much sense that makes?�

�I�m not suffering � everything is just at a standstill right now. *sigh* I don�t know.� A tear rolled down my cheek. She wiped it with her thumb.

�You know you�re better than this ma � I�m not saying that you�re better than HER but this situation � you�re better than it.�

�You don�t understand. I love her with everything in me. Everyone expects me to just give up on my relationship. My love for her exceeds that. Don�t you get that? Does anyone get that?�

�Yeah I get that. But what I don�t understand is why she can�t step up to the plate and see that you�re hurting. Look at you! You�re worn OUT. She needs to handle her responsibility.� She was angry and she was making me angry also.

�Don�t do that! Don�t downplay my relationship. She loves me! PERIOD. You know what � we shouldn�t even be having this conversation. Look, I�m coming to you as a friend. That�s what I need you to be. If you�re going to criticize what I have maybe this was a bad idea.� I got up to leave.

�Sit down. � Sit down Dannie. You know I�m always there for you. That�s a given. I�m just worried about you. I expected to see you happy. Glowing like you do when you�re in love. Not like this.�

�I look at her picture and I see us � in our home � our future � together. Raising Je�Carri and Jay�Lin.�

�Je�Carri and Jay�Lin?� I smiled.

�Our children. Our life. I don�t see my future without her.� She just nodded and kept eating.

�You�re losing weight. Not eating again hu?�

�I eat thank-you-very-much! You sound like Gemille. I�m trying to get in shape. I want to strip.�

�Who is Gemille and DO WHAT!!�

�Tara�s best friend and yes I said strip.�

�Hell NO. My girl or not � yo ass wont be stripping that�s for damn sure.�

We laughed. Then silence. We talked about school, sports, Jay-Z, children and all the other little things in life. I had forgotten how much I missed that Montero Sport. I got in like she was mines boy. We drive around and it�s way past my time to be home. I don�t want the night to end though � I missed her. We hug goodbye and she pecks my cheek. I get in my car and before she closes the door she ask me, �How are you so sure she�s not out doing God knows what while your out working your ass off for her?�

I shrug. �I don�t know. But I put my faith � my trust and my love into this. And into her. I think that goes far beyond knowledge.�

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