P.E.A.C.E

Jan. 16, 2003, 6:25 p.m. / / / / And IM THE DAMN BAD INFLUENCE?!?!?!

... everyone knows i love my family even though sometimes i want to put all of them in one small room and set it ablaze ... there is a special kind of love between my sisters ... i have always wanted to be the best person for them ... especially my two youngest sisters ... Lau'Ren and DeDe (not to be confused with my best friend DeeDee ... see two e's) ... Lau'ren and I have a close bond ... we did not have the luxury of growing up with each other. My father being the worse man on Earth that he is was an asshole and kept us away from each other. Yes i am slandering my father ... if anyone has something to say about it please hit me up and i would be more than happy to tell you the bullshit that he has put me and my family thru over twenty years. Anyway Lau'ren and I didnt meet until she was I think 12 and I 16. Anyway our lives have been pretty normal until my father said that one of his neighboors saw me kissing my then girlfriend on our porch ... okay now I wasnt out the closet then so what in the hell would I be doin kissing her on my porch? This then caused an argument and him and his wife said I was a bad influence on Lau'ren and that I should stay away from her. I was crushed. Well to make a long story extremely short I moved to North Carolina and obeyed their wishes even though it killed me little by little each day. I would try to keep in contact with her thru my ex but then that soon stopped. They changed her school and everything! So finally Tina got in touch with her and found out that she had ran away and all this other nonsense. It was nothing short of a mess! She has an aol screen name and when Tina found it out I was eager for the 1st time she came online. I had let her down ... I wasnt there for her like I should have been and that made me feel horrible. I always had Taya in my life to keep me on the straight and narrow (that is when it came to school and all cause lord knows neither Taya nor I are anywhere near straight) but anyway I told her how everything went down and I never ment to be a horrible big sister and I would make it up to her and no matter what I would always be her big sister and she just cried and I just cried and everything was fine. We caught up on everything that had happened within the year that I hadnt spoken to her. I couldnt believe it had been an entire year and a half ... even her attitude has changed. She is focused on goin to college and getting herself out of Harlem hopefully. So that last statement brings me to this entry. I spoke to Lau'ren today. She's a junior in highschool and maturing very very fast. So she is going on this junior trip and needs five hundred dollars ... well just look at the conversation me had...

NC femme 2 NV: hey baby sis

HarlemDyme031: wus up big sis

NC femme 2 NV: nothing much

NC femme 2 NV: how are you?

HarlemDyme031: im iight considering certain circumstances

NC femme 2 NV: whaa happened?

HarlemDyme031: my skool juniors are going on the junior trip and i cant go

NC femme 2 NV: why not

HarlemDyme031: cuz the trip money is due next week and my motha wont have the money by then

NC femme 2 NV: how much is it?

HarlemDyme031: 520

NC femme 2 NV: dayumn

HarlemDyme031: but if i give in 314

NC femme 2 NV: five hundred dollars! shyt

HarlemDyme031: by next week my principle will let me slide

NC femme 2 NV: hol on lemme see what i can talk my way into

NC femme 2 NV: hol on

HarlemDyme031: lol, wut r u talkin bout

NC femme 2 NV: imma talk to Yvette and see what i can come up with ... cause i cant swing 500+ by myself

NC femme 2 NV: hell my ass in debt, shyt

HarlemDyme031: lol, nah its iight Tash u dont have 2 do that

NC femme 2 NV: shut up

HarlemDyme031: funny how u got me on smash n two different states

NC femme 2 NV: lol

HarlemDyme031: lol, but wuts new wit u

NC femme 2 NV: hol on im on the phone talking to Yvette

HarlemDyme031: ok

NC femme 2 NV: Yvette gon see if she can send me 350 ... if she cant then i can send 150 this week but you will have to wait two weeks to get more

NC femme 2 NV: but i gotta do alot of talking

NC femme 2 NV: when you need it again

HarlemDyme031: next week thurs

NC femme 2 NV: hmmm

HarlemDyme031: thank u thank u thank u thank u sis

NC femme 2 NV: how much can your mother give to you?

HarlemDyme031: she said she could give me bout 175

NC femme 2 NV: okay if she can give you the 175 i will send you the 150 and you will have the deposit in time

HarlemDyme031: iight thank u tash

NC femme 2 NV: when is the whole thing due?

HarlemDyme031: she told me that if i give her a depo, then she'll give me til tha friday afta next

NC femme 2 NV: where are you going?

HarlemDyme031: to tha pokeno's (like da way i spell it)

NC femme 2 NV: lol

NC femme 2 NV: yeah but damn what yall goin to do shit!! for damn 500 bucks

NC femme 2 NV: lol

HarlemDyme031: yea cuz we gon b dere 4 10 dayz and that includes food, and ski's

NC femme 2 NV: well damn

NC femme 2 NV: you gon miss that much school?

HarlemDyme031: yea

HarlemDyme031: cuz all da teachers is goin in tha junior class

NC femme 2 NV: well damn

HarlemDyme031: they do it every year

HarlemDyme031: its kind of like tha senior trip but its juniors

NC femme 2 NV: okay u said its due the friday after next?

HarlemDyme031: yea

NC femme 2 NV: so January 31?

HarlemDyme031: yup

NC femme 2 NV: is your mother there?

HarlemDyme031: nah she at work

NC femme 2 NV: you need to ask her if its okay if i send you the money

HarlemDyme031: o ok, im sure it'll b alright tho cuz she dont have no problems anymore wit me talkin 2 u on tha net

NC femme 2 NV: still ask her though

HarlemDyme031: iight no prob

NC femme 2 NV: because i dont want to over step my boundaries

HarlemDyme031: u dont have boundries if ur my sister

HarlemDyme031: she kno da deal im too old 4 this

NC femme 2 NV: lmao

HarlemDyme031: she cant tell me nuffin when it cums 2 my flesh n blood

NC femme 2 NV: so what are you doin about senior dues

HarlemDyme031: who knooo's

NC femme 2 NV: you need a damn job cause my ass gon be payin rent soon

HarlemDyme031: lol

NC femme 2 NV: lol and light bills and shit

HarlemDyme031: who u tellin

HarlemDyme031: i be goin everywhere fillin out appl. n everything

HarlemDyme031: nobody is tryin 2 hire me

NC femme 2 NV: you'll be 17 by next school year

HarlemDyme031: yup

HarlemDyme031: i think by then it would b easier 4 me 2 get a JOB

NC femme 2 NV: yeah im looking into some stuff now for you

NC femme 2 NV: something during the summer also

HarlemDyme031: lol, thats wussup

NC femme 2 NV: cause please believe your ass will have some chedda by your senior year

HarlemDyme031: lol, n ya kno dis

HarlemDyme031: i cant b a broke senior

NC femme 2 NV: shyt im a broke adult

HarlemDyme031: lol, but u got a reason

NC femme 2 NV: lol

NC femme 2 NV: yeah i work

NC femme 2 NV: Renee' have you been filling out college applications

HarlemDyme031: nope

NC femme 2 NV: what the hell you mean nope? this is almost the end of your junior year. what are your councelors doing?

HarlemDyme031: i dont have ne i dont kno wut 2 do or where 2 get dem from

HarlemDyme031: im stuck

NC femme 2 NV: well tell me where you want to go ... shit if they arent goin to do anything about you getting the hell out of harlem i damn sure will

NC femme 2 NV: i will get the information

NC femme 2 NV: i will help u and you know that ... why didnt you come to me before now. you cant wait till the last minute with shit like this!

HarlemDyme031: i think i wanna go 2 clark, and i dont kno of ne otha skools that i might wanna go 2

NC femme 2 NV: well im signing you up for some information

NC femme 2 NV: so be ready

NC femme 2 NV: and i want you to call me when you get them too

HarlemDyme031: lol, iight

HarlemDyme031: give me ur #

NC femme 2 NV: ask your mother if it will be okay for you to call me or i call you

NC femme 2 NV: its 919-***-**** ...

HarlemDyme031: its iight

HarlemDyme031: she jus asked me tha otha day y dont i eva call u

NC femme 2 NV: really ... i bet she did ...

HarlemDyme031: yea

HarlemDyme031: but yo tash i got 2 run n catch da library b4 it close

NC femme 2 NV: well

NC femme 2 NV: go head

HarlemDyme031: thank u again and again and again

HarlemDyme031: luv u

NC femme 2 NV: love you too

HarlemDyme031: bye

I dont even know if the chile has taken her SAT's yet! This is so frustrating. I couldnt believe it when she said it. I was sittin' here lookin' at the screen with this stupid ass expression on my face. I was utterly dumbfounded. My step mother is so worried about running behind my low life ass father that she is actually watching my baby sister become a gotdamn statistic. Well im not ... she is far too intelligent to stay in harlem and be nothing and do nothing but chase around them sorry ass niggas just like my brother Adonis and my father. HELL NO! I wont allow it.

before after

�	P.E.A.C.E	�
�		�
�		�
�		�
�		�
�		�