So here's my dilemma (trust me there's nothing to sing about)...
Lately I've been feeling like Ashley and her mother have something going on behind my back. I know it's not right to assume things (you'll in return make a ass out of yourself and the person), however something isn't right and I'd like to get to the root of it before I'm the only one made to look like the ass in the end. I've noticed subtle changes in LeY lately. Everytime she goes into the living room to say something to her mother she closes the door. I've also noticed that whenever I step into the room the subject of whatever conversation that was happening seems to abruptly end. Maybe I'm being a bit dramatic, I would like to think that I am just in need of some overdue R and R. MAYBE. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that her sister is now eighteen and is considered (in the eyes of the LAW) an ADULT. Which means she's out of the hands of her very mean, protective father.
Of course everyone knows of my situation with Ashley's mother living with us. And everyone knows how desperate I am to be relieved of the situation. It is not (never has been or ever will be) the fact that I don't like her family. Sure they've done some unforgivable things to her (in MY opinion ONLY) but everyone makes mistakes and I can be included in that category if you look at it in laymen terms. At anyrate, I would like my house back. I would like for it to just be Ashley and I again. Dubiously, that probably won't happen. Atleast not anytime soon. I can't talk to Ashley about this though. She's always so mad at me when I tell other people things going on inside my head first but I can't keep walking around here trying to hide it. And act as if nothing is happening. It's driving me crazy. I leave in the morning at maybe ten 'till seven and her moms is on the couch. Just laying there. Like a center piece of the house. I come home at about ten after four and she's still there. This time she's awake reading People Magazine or Star and drinking a Coke, half ass listening to the television or rubbing on Barney, Ashley's cat she's had since she was younger. I make a beeline for our room and close the door. I do this everyday. If Ashley and I go out, we have to bring her something to eat before we leave or after we come home. I really do feel like a prisoner in my own home. Of course Ashley'll tell me, "No one is stopping you from sitting in the living room and watching television". But I mean really, let's have a inkling of sense here. Who the hell wants to watch television with someone's mother sitting there talking to a fucking cat. Hell I now have to cover my mouth while having SEX in MY own house. Sorry if the resentment in my voice is making you, the reader, uncomfortable. I usually don't talk much about it but to my therapist and I'm quite sure she's tired of hearing about it. Although that's what she's paid to do.
Getting back to the situation at hand though. I feel as if they (Ashley and her mother) are doing/planning something that might have an indirect affect on me and well, it doesn't sit well with me. I might be wrong here. I've never said I had a degree in mind reading. I knew her sister was planning on moving to NC once she turned eighteen. However I don't think that's such a good idea, maybe for my own selfish reasons but I still don 't think it's a good idea. I've brought this up to Ashley before about how I feel like once she (her sister) moves to NC, and although she's supposedly going to be staying with her cousin, she'll be over our house almost everyday. Don't get me wrong people, her sister's not a bad kid. It's just, I feel like I already have to deal with her mother and I already feel outnumbered. Now I'm going to have to deal with an entire immediate family of a person whom I'm having relationship problems with. This scale is tipping more and more to one side isn't it? I'm working hard you know? I go in early sometimes everyday (although I don't get paid for it) and I'm leaving later than my boss is. I've made all these fantastic strides toward going back to school and paying off some of my bills so just maybe I can buy a house one day. Who am I kidding though, I can barely communicate with my girlfriend. She can't (or won't... pick one) understand that it's not about me "not liking" her family. It's about me wanting to come home after a VERY stressful and hard day of work to an empty house. It's about not wanting to hide my pleasure when we make love (which is now far and in between). It's about us doing US and taking care of US. Keyword there is: US. I love her, I really do and I'm sure everyone knows I do (minus her) but I really don't know what to do or how to talk to her about this without her having a cow on me. I guess I'm asking too much. Maybe she needs her mother's and sister's relationship right now more than ours.
But where does that leave me?
