JUST as I was getting used to 2004, 2005 had to show it's ugly little head. So I'm back ... this post might have a slight bitchy undertone but all is well. I'm really not looking forward to 2005. I don't know what it is... but it just doesn't seem like it's going to be a good year. I know I'm supposed to be optomistic but shiet... get real. I am honestly going to try and make it the best year I can... but I don't know how long I'm going to last. I said I was going to try to be "nicer" this year. I feel like this... I don't have anyone here in NC to talk to. That makes it hard for me to express myself and then in turn makes me ill. Very ill. So this year, I figured if I'm upset... I'll just act as if nothing is wrong and make sure to keep my mental roledex of those persons that have pissed me off and make sure to spit fire at their ass at a later date. Anyway... getting back to why my new years was shitty.

New years day I found myself cleaning my entire house. WHAT.THE.FUCK.WAS.I.THINKING?!?!?! That shit was the most unbearable task I've ever done. I thought it would make me feel better about how my holiday was going. I thought wrong. Cleaning my house is like getting fucked in the ass, raw with no lubrication by some random dude with a 20 inch schlong. It's a SERIOUS pain in the ass. I don't know what I was frustrated at more, the actual cleaning or the fact that there is too much SHIT in that gotdamn house. TOO MUCH! LeY was a big help (depending on how you're measuring "big", none the less, she helped). I finally got those big ass couches out of my living room!!!!!! Now I only have one set of furniture instead of two. We can finally put the shitload of books we have on the bookcase where they belong. I also went thru all that crapy junky paperwork I had strewn all thru my room and threw away the shit I didn't need and brought the shit that was confidential that needed to be thrown away to work so I could shred it. LeY finally got all of her unnecessary shit out of the way. I'm still not done though. I'm still trying to get LeY to get all of her mother's bullshit out of the living room. It's fucking ubberly ridiculous how much shit that woman has. I was getting pissed off becuase we kept saying you need to get the stuff you need out so we can put the rest of this shit away and she had a attitude. I was like I want this to look like a living room not someone's gotdamn bedroom. I think she's forgetting that although she sleeps in our living room it is NOT her personal area. That's an area that is a neutral space that we all should be able to sit in. Instead it's like I come home and I'm almost a prisoner in my own room because I don't want to sit in there with all that shit everywhere. Pfffftt!! Don't EVEN get me started on THAT!

I don't know if I told you all yet but *drumroll* I start school in the fall. YAYYYY... only a select few know. It's only two classes but it's a start. It's pretty much all I can afford right now. I have many reservations about it but I have to step out on faith and start believing in myself. At any rate I must get back to work before I don't have a job.

One.Love

p.s. another meme is coming up right after these messages, so stay tuned.