I know this is an early morning entry but it's been on my mind all night and I don't think it'll stop bothering me until I just "breath, stretch, shake, let it go". *takes a deeeeeeep breath* Okay here goes. Yesterday while going to see her friend at the salon she works at so LeY can get her eyebrows waxed, I expressed my feelings about this wedding we'll be attending on Saturday. I wasn't tripping or anything I was just merely trying to not hold my feelings in about something since I'm very often accused of not saying what I feel and holding it in until I explode in a fit of rage ... or tears, whichever hits me 1st. Anyhow, I'm telling Ashley how I feel and she's like why? and then she goes on to say something along the lines of the only good about marriage is it's economical benifits and blah blah blah. Naturally I stopped listening after that because hmmm my feelings were hurt. I'm thinking to myself, it's bad enough that just about EVERYONE else doesn't think we SHOULD be allowed to get married and here you are saying that marriage is over-rated. You gotta be shitting me. I mean I've herd her say things like this hundreds of times before but I guess because of the wedding that coming up I imagined her outlook be a little less hurtful. SIKE. I mean I made the argument that hey I want to do it right you know ... have a marriage then kids. Her response ... "who says that's the right way?" *whispers* bitch. I just agreed with her so she could shut the hell up and I could silently loathe her. This has been on my mind all day yesterday and was the 1st thing I thought about upon awakening (well the second thing ... I'm getting my car window fixed today YAY). I've always wanted to be a wife. Like all my close friends know that my thing was always being a wonderful wife and mother and showing society it can be done by lesbians you know. And to think that the person that I would LIKE to spend the rest of my life with, doesn't think that. It feels personal you know. Like am I not good enough to be her wife. You know, I could see if I won't shit ... then maybe that would be a legitimate statement. But cm'on lets be for real here. LeY isn't perfect you know. Majorly far from it. She's got her shit with her but I put up with it. Shit I feel like I deserve a rock (well lemme say a bigger rock because I have one now) for everything I put up with. Of course her's should be a little bigger. I mean shit I've learned how to sleep with the television on and have tolerated the fan being on in 12 degree weather. AND if anything ... putting up with her mother should be sole reason enough to wife my ass up! I don't understand. And it's amazing because she doesn't understand how her saying something like this could hurt me. Hmph maybe I'm tripping. I guess I should prepare myself to being someone's girlfriend for the rest of my fucking life.