I was in such a sour mood last night. I had therapy and when I got done with it I felt worse than I did before I went. That happens sometimes though. Sha asked me was I still taking my meds and I had to be honest and I told her no and that I haven't been taking them for quite sometime now. I believe I stopped taking the Welbutrin over a month ago. I don't know ... with everything coming up I think I'll need them again. I've been under a lot of stress lately. I've been feeling real "down and out". My sister was here and she kind of took my mind off of the things that are going so very wrong in my life. But then she had to go, so now I'm back with my thoughts and everything. I don't know why I can't seem to get it together. LeY's been wonderful and very supportive but I'm pretty sure I'll find a way to fuck that up *knowing me*. I can be a very difficult person to live with sometimes so I know she has a lot to handle. And it's not just the emotional that's been kicking my ass. My sinuses have been fucking with me since Turkey day. It's just seriously all too much for me right now. Once again I've fucking overdrawn on my checking account. The light of me being able to go home for christmas is getting dimmer and dimmer. It's no way in HELL that I'm going to pull this off. I need a fucking miracle. Realizing that LeY is only going to have a few hours on her next two checks (being that she gets paid every other week) and she still has Kathleen's wedding to get to, Her contribution to this trip is null and void. And I have the ball on the 30th ... I really can't afford it. And the ball is MANDATORY for members so I have to go to that. Hell ... I guess New York'll always be there. I've already told my mother and she was so hyped about me coming home and her having me there ... (I guess I should stop talking about this at work before I start to really break down and cry)...
I finally got the chance to see Love Actually and it was like one of THE best movies I've seen this year. I'm mad that I waited for it to come on HBO before I got a chance to see it. I have wasted my hard earned money on some pretty shitty movies this year ... and I missed out to support this film. Well I've added the DVD to my Amazon wish list. Anyway It's lunch time and I'm going to lay my head on this desk and wish I was someplace else.
One.Love
