She's right I don't understand and I am mad ... but ... I guess that's my bad. But she can't be everyone's fucking saving grace... but then again ... my opinion. I don't have that "closeness" with my mother so I guess i'm a little jealous. I don't care if she spends time with her mother ... as long as she takes care of what SHE has to do 1st ... WHICH she hasn't. But i'm never right *in her eyes* ... So I guess i'll keep my mouth shut and let the shit ride out on it's own.

Not saying that being a lesbian isn't normal ... but I sometimes wish I could just live life regularly. I don't know how to exactly put this in words anyone else will understand but I guess this IS my diary and no one has to understand but me... I sometimes sit and think when I was in Detroit and how much I loved just being stable ... and in control of my life. Not this chaotic state i'm in now. Sometimes I do miss Jay ... and I miss my daughter ... and SOMETIMES I miss my life ... pre-lesbian. Life before the Rayven's and the Tara's and the ... well the Ashley's. Not saying i'm not content with my life ... well that question is up in the air right now. *sigh* I guess that's all I have to say for now.

CiaO