Being in a relationship I would have to say is one of the hardest things I've had to do in my life. Things were easier with Tara (who pretty much ignored me) and with Tina (who basically cheated on me) hell even with Yvette (although we NEVER had a relationship it was easier when she was in Puerto Rico and I didn't have to deal). But my relationship with LeY is different. VERY different than those with the persons listed above. She [LeY]listens ... she cares ... she ... well she really loves me. And it's hard you know. I'm thankful that God has sent her into my life but almighty what's with all this commotion we've been having lately? I was about to honestly beat her AZZ in Target today. Like I felt so angry and I wanted to make a scene so bad ... it made my eye twitch and I grabbed her ... and I know I didn't want to but I did and I could picture myself squeezing her arm and I just had to let go and walk away. Because I honestly think I might have been single after it. Some shit I know I can get away with but that other shit she aint going for. Its like I feel so pressured to be this perfect girlfriend because I know she's never had anyone do for her like I would like to ... I feel compelled to give her any and everything she wants needs and desires like she tries to do for me. And with this whole living situation I feel like that is one of the main aspects of me not living up to that for her. It's like I don't even want it for myself anymore. I want it more for LeY. *sigh* Everything is just so frustrating and scary. The littlest things are beginning to annoy me. And it's not just shit she does ... its things I do ... thing I say ... it's like sometimes I don't even understand why I act the way I do. So its kind of hard for me to explain it to her. Maybe I am just as crazy as she thinks I am? Who knows.