Lemme tell you a little about my mocha caramel chocolate deluxe � you see when im home and all by my lonesome I tend to let my mind wonder back to the times that her sweet scent filled my presence. Like that night � after partying in the rain in the �Ville� � threats by big sis made the climax higher � shit I don�t even smoke and needed a cigarette � or that time when we had 15 minutes to do what we do � like we do � in those freaky late night bedroom scenes � played out by Sprint long distance service � oh so enticing � oh so sexy � oh so sweet � my mocha caramel chocolate deluxe � feeds the craving of a hungry sex drive with the touch of a hand � the sound of a voice � the warmth of a mouth � melting � melting � her mocha caramel chocolate deluxe.

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I could start off by talking about how many things in my life right now are not in accordance to the master plan I laid out for myself when I perceived that I was an adult. The only eyes that you�re seen as an adult at eighteen are that of the state. Adulthood is not an age range it�s kind of a responsibility level. The more responsible you can be the more adult like you become. I think I can handle things but in actuality I cannot. I am weak when it comes down to three things: money, love, and my family. Having a job and still being broke is something that takes time getting used to. Credit will get your ass in some shit you definitely don�t want to be in. I was irresponsible with it and now im seriously paying for it. It haunts you no matter where you go. Now I have to deal with fixing it. It would be nice if I had a steady flow of income but Food Lion is not what you would call a stable career. No way! So now im trying to find a second source of income. After all I am trying to start school in the fall. Love � love is a crazy thing. It sneaks up on you like a thief in the night and steals the one thing you have control over, your emotions. I am learning how to deal with my emotions and feelings in a healthy manner. I used to just let them roam freely with whoever was there for me at the time. Not taking the time to get to know a person and just leaving them, shall I say in charge of my heart? Yeah that sounds about right. Not to defame anyone here but no one knows me like I know me. And when it comes down to relationships, I�ve had far too many to only be twenty. Wait let me rephrase that: And when it comes down to BAD relationships, I�ve had far too many to only be twenty. Now � now im in a relationship that feels like a friendship and relationship. Communication is solid (considering the fact that she is three hours away in Rowland North Carolina). I feel like whenever I need to talk she would be the first person I call (besides my sisters � but im getting to that). She has the capability to calm me down when im upset, to make me laugh when I am sad, and to pick me up when I am down. Gosh, picture me with out her. Im completely lost. I can genuinely say that I am truly on the other side of brilliance. She, in her own way completes me. Family � my family is real odd. I love them and I want them to be proud of me. But can I really make them proud of me and continue to be the real ME? How can I satisfy their image of me without sacrificing my �realness�? I spoke to my mother today. I actually had to pause from writing this and converse with her. We talked like we used to today, about the weather and my future with going back to school. We talked about our relationship and our family. We talked about money and we talked about us � and how much she loves me and how much I think I love her. Well we all know I do love my mother (despite the fact that she can be a real asshole sometimes). She gave me life and the knowledge to live it that more abundantly. *sigh* If only I can express to her my love for my *heaven sent angel* ��

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