Gemille and her father had it out last night ... I felt so bad ... she really wants a relationship with him and he's closing his mind to how complex Gemille really is. However sometimes i think ... well ... you know how Gemille is ... shes ... shes ... ion know ... like my heaven sent angel. She can hold back what she is feeling and when that right person comes along at the wrong time its one big misunderstanding. But when your cute you can do things like that *wink* joking. But I dont think Gemille knows how very lucky she really is. Like she said my siter was recently found and safe. Getting grown as hell ... and more and more beautiful by the minute. She informed me that my father was indeed back at his second home ... prison. Thats where he's been most of my life. Like most of my friends i was raised in a single parent home by a stuggling mother who worked so much that sometimes her motherly duties were neglected. But this isnt about my mother. Its about my father. About how all my relationships with men never worked because I dint want a boyfriend ... I wanted a father. This is about the strained relationship with my mother because she couldnt make me the Daddy's Little Princess I always wanted to be. This is about the twenty years of my life that my father has never spent with me. And about all twenty christmas', thanksgiving's, birthday's and any other holiday that was missed. This is about graduating highschool and looking at my best friends father hold long stem pink and white roses in his hand for his daughter and me seeing my mother and other family ... and remembering sending off the invitation to my father ... but yet he was a no show. Inside ... everyday ... i died little by little. Even now it affects me ... and hurts so bad. Maybe that's the reason why I sometimes chose to stay with people who treated me so bad. *Because like Lauren said when it hurts so bad ... why does it feel so GOOD?* To Gemille* weeping may endure for the night but joy will come with the morning light ... your father is trying. I know it may seem like he isnt but it hard for him ... he doesnt have a child living with him ... your an equal. Your an adult capeable of making precise decisions for your well being. He wants to be the one to make ur decision for you ... he wants to play daddy and your not having it. So he has to make ANOTHER adjustment. I guess thats why he feels comfortable asking you to piss in a cup for him *hehe sorry*. But count your blessing Gemille. Atleast he tells you he loves you ... and he can get you a keyboard for your birthday ... some of us want that and cant have it ...*