Since I was about 16 ... tragedy has been lurking it's evil head around me. I have been thru SO much for SO long sometimes I don't even know how i've gotten thur it all. I have had a strong group of friends that have never allowed me to go completely under water. But that was then and this is now. I've never really talked about how sick I was to anyone but really close friends and family. I don't even think that LeY knows the severity of it all. At the age of 16 I was taking a cocktail of Biamime (for stress), Desyrel (for mood stabilitation), Effexor (for anxiety), and Imitrex Injections (for my cluster headaches. It was really hard for me. I stopped taking some of the medication (by doctors orders and because I no longer could afford them) by the time I was 19 or so. Sometimes I still feel as if I need it. Lately i've been so angry ... and bothered by a lot. What makes it so much worse is that I don't feel as if I have anyone to talk to about it. I'm sure you all are saying "Hey you have the best girlfriend/lover/same sex partner on Earth!" and you're right I do but ... sometimes it's not her that I need to talk to ... sometimes it's her that I want to talk about. Diaryland is cool and everything but ... it's not somewhere I would want ALL of my personal issues aired out. I used to talk to a psychiatrist (YES! insanely sexy, talented and loveable people talk to psychiatrist too!) but that too became too much of a financial strain. I just don't want this to affect my relationship. Everything has been annoying the hell out of me lately. I mean EVERYTHING! I get mad at the snap of a finger. I don't take an interest in anything ... not this apartment ... not my job ... my writing ... nothing. I've been tired ... and wanting nothing more than to come home and go to sleep. I don't know what's wrong with me but the sooner I find out the better. I'm trying to make an appointment sometime this week to go to the doctor but I don't know when I'll have time to. With the apartment and work who knows. Anyway this is depressing enough ... i'm going to work. Maybe more later ...
Maybe Not
CiaO
