So I guess my life has reached the suckiest of all suck places. Did that make any sense? Do I care? Anyway I haven�t been well enough mental to write anything of importance in my diary. I've been putting up shitty quizzes just to satisfy my enjoyment. I've been throwing a pity party for myself since the middle of last week. In my strive towards that 100% perfect ness, I�ve come to the realization that people are for the most part selfish fucking bastard whores! I miss my mother like its no ones gotdamn business. She called me at seven thirty this morning. Now you tell me what person with no life or job is up that early in the morning? Well I damn sure wasn�t. I sprained my ankle on Saturday (what fucking joy� the pain � the agony). This also happens to be the Saturday my cousin Alisha shits on me (not figuratively of course). She wants me to watch her kids and I�m like okay. Since I didn't watch them for you when you went to NYC (even though you talked shit about me when you got there! don�t think a sista don�t know) I�ll watch them now. So she tells me she�s going to the theatre in Henderson which is maybe 3 minutes from her house. I�m like cool I can still catch church in the morning! So she leaves at like nine fifteen, so can someone tell me why she didn't bring her ass home until well after four am? So I have an ill ass attitude when she walks thru the door. I have never wanted to be more out of that house in my life! I was livid. Anyway she took me home at six am Sunday morning and I couldn�t have been happier to be in my own damn bed. So moving on my cousin is one of those selfish bastards that thinks the world rotates in the crack of her ass. Thanks but I think I�ve had enough! Oh yeah she�s informed me that Tara has been calling her phone non- stop. Mmm any intelligent person would say to themselves �Self if she isn�t at this number � lets try the other number she�s ALWAYS at�. Asshole she is. Smart one she is not. Anyway I�m done talking about that!
Since I have no life talking to you peoples is like talking to my deaf aunt, useless. I don�t have too much to say. I�ve come to the conclusion that because I pretty much thought my future was here in North Carolina, (big fucking joke I played on myself I must say) staying here after that rude awakening is like standing outside during a lightening storm with a metal umbrella. Some shit just doesn�t mix. I don�t want my fucked up issue with Tara to run me out of a state I love. But sometimes I swear I cannot deal with knowing she�s only two hours away and I STILL can�t have her. Okay I promised myself I wouldn�t get emotional talking about her. Shit AJ was just on yahoo messenger and I so wanted to ask how she was doing but I figured if I put off the front like I didn't care then I could make it thru the conversation without sounding like a hopeless jerk. Life is wonderful until you fuck it up with love. Wish I could go back to the days of playing with my Carebears and Strawberry Shortcake Dolls.
So my only stipulation with Missy is that she�s always in someone�s chat room. I don�t think I like that. I mean it can be harmless and it can be the main shit that makes or breaks what we have. Question: what is it that we have? And now a word from our sponsors.
The news sucks! I mean all you hear about now is death. People killing people (well I don�t believe people kill people � GUNS in stupid peoples hands kill people) mother nature killing people, hell husbands killing wives, children killing parents� when does it stop? The only reason I watch the news is to keep up with the Peterson case! I hope this bastard burns in HELL. I honestly do. Laci Peterson was a beautiful woman. And hey buddy I got news for you� if you didn't do it then why the hell sell your house and her car if she was coming back ey? Or better yet why ya sleeping with the Alias look a like bimbo ya met at a gotdamn bar? MEN SUCK! Okay I�m alright now. And now they want to talk about the tornadoes that ripped thru the mid-west yesterday. Some dumb ass with a camcorder is driving along side the damn thing. Now if you see a force so powerful that it can rip an entire house from its foundation, what the fuck is it about that makes you grab a gotdamn camcorder and say hey lets follow it. BULLSHIT! I know my black ass won�t be trying to play super save a hoe when it comes to tornadoes and shit. No fucking way dude! And in other news some lame ass high school kid is getting charged with computer trespassing. Reason being he hacked into his school�s computer and changed his grades and some of his friends� grades. Okay� lemme get this straight! This asshole (who looks like he�s not capable of actually receiving an A in any class but gym) really thought he was goin to get away with that shit too. Whatever happened to getting a piece of carbon paper and changing your grade the old fashion way. No way in hell was I goin to risk goin to jail for a measly D in Economics. Hell my mother whopping my ass was enough for me. Goin to jail is a bit extreme don�tcha think? Anyway it�s supposed to be warmer tomorrow than it has been in the last two days. Still however it�s supposed to rain. This shit has to stop! North Carolina is goin to be damned flooded.
So this is what I�ve been reduced to� eating oranges, talking about my life to total strangers with my ankle lifted so keep continuous blood flow to the fracture, and only listening to VH1 (because I cannot live without my three music stations BET, MTv, and VH1) because my fat assed grandmother has the television in the office turned off. Fantastic. I�m missing a shit load of television on this gotdamn computer. Anyway I�ve meet a host of wonderful people on the internet. Example Cierra who�s 16 year old spirit is magnificent. And Carey. Hmmm what can I say about Carey. I have a lot to say about Carey. She�s a beautiful girl I met from her diary. She�s in Canada and is involved (for lack of a better word) with Amanda. See these two are a complicated case. Carey has issues. She knows she has issues so it�s not like im being too forward. Drugs play a major part in the two of them. NOT saying they�re some druggies or anything. Just scripts have a lot to do with it. Anyway� Carey loves this girl Amanda like I�ve never seen someone love another human being before. Well maybe Tara and I but that�s another entry. Tara and Carey have a lot in common (excluding race, the scripts, suicide attempts and shit). But anyway the both of them have this self conflict. Carey will basically come out and admit that she hates herself. And if she doesn�t say it you can tell by her actions. Everyday I come online I always speak to Carey. She�ll start to think I hate her and shit but of course I can�t hate anyone � okay okay I�ll take that back but you know what I�m saying. So whenever I talk to Carey I ask her what she�s done all day and how she�s feeling and I try to take all the negative things she says and turn it into something positive. I got her to write down her goals at least for the month. She�s doing it weekly but overall I�m proud of her for recognizing her talents and taking it one day at a time. What Carey needs to understand is that she is of importance and that her life and well being should mean more to her than it does now. Her biggest problem I�m sad to say is Amanda. Now I have never spoken to Amanda but by the way Carey talks about her I came to the conclusion that like Carey she is also very emotional unstable. What I mean is that the both of them have so much love for each other they don�t know how to handle it (sounds familiar doesn�t it?). Anyway my prognosis is that Carey and Amanda try to spend as much time as they can apart before they wind up hating each other and never knowing what spectacular love can grow from the two of them. Then again this IS only my opinion.
Well peeps is been realer than real. My ass is numb and if I don�t get some painkillers in my system soon you�ll be calling me Chicken George because I�ll damn sure cut my foot off right at the ankle � lol nah I wouldn�t, I like shoes too much! Aiight I�ll have my peoples call your peoples. We�ll do LUNCH soon darlings. ~Toodles~
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